Lurking Fear Inside Out Vs Horrific Monster Scare Imposed
Fear springs up from instincts within; Scare Imposes Itself from Outside, Making Home inside Psyche
LIFE LESSONS STORIES SERIES
Lurking Fear Inside Out Vs Horrific Monster Scare Imposed
Another memory hits my mind. It’s of the time when I was 6 years old. My parents had got me admitted in a school in class 1 when I turned 6. It was when the principal of the school who was my father’s friend reminded him that I had come of age to join a school. So, the next day my parents took me to his school and got me admitted there.
I stayed in class 1 for 10 months when teachers decided I already qualified for being a class 2 student. So, I was promoted to class 2. I had to write my class 2 exams within 2 months of getting promoted there. I don’t know how but I was ranked 1st in my class 2 exams and got promoted to class 3 when I was 7.
Anyway, I was still in class 1 when it happened. Every day, after the school was over, I walked back home with my friends carrying school bags on our shoulders. We also carried a ‘Takhti’, a small wooden slate with an extended handle to carry it to the school every day. As children, we used to write on it with a straw pen dipped in black ink to master the art of calligraphy. Every day, the slate would be coated with Fuller’s earth to absorb the ink and then we washed it off. After washing, we dried it by swirling it up and down in sunshine. While doing so, we would sing in chorus: Come sun great, dry my slate.
Chatting On Our Way Back Home
So, while going back home, we kept chatting in groups walking on hilly roads. One day, a friend walking in another group splintered from there and moved back to say something to me. It must have been something of importance as he immediately pulled my arm to draw my attention to him. But I was in the midst of another important chat within my group. At least that was what I thought. So, I asked him to wait for a moment and continued with my ongoing chat. But my friend wouldn’t wait as he thought his thing was more important than what I was involved in.
He again pulled my arm to draw my attention to him. I again asked him to wait a bit. But he wouldn’t agree. He again pulled my arm for the third time to listen to him. It turned me angry this time and I hit him with my wooden slate on his head.
His Head Started Bleeding Profusely
His head started bleeding profusely. All of us including me got stunned not knowing what to do. Incidentally, there was a group of our teachers coming from behind us. They took notice of the accident and immediately took my bleeding friend to a doctor for first aid. We followed them along.
I was feeling bad for my friend as well as guilty of being emotionally impulsive. Luckily the doctor assured our teachers it wasn’t a very serious wound, and a few stitches would do the needful. His wound got stitched and the doctor bandaged his head. Surprisingly none of the teachers scolded me for what I had done and that made me feel even more guilty.
My friend had to take a few days’ off from the school. When he came back to the class, he was still wearing a bandage around his head.
I Grew A Fear in My Mind
Days passed by. Everything came back to normal but for a fear that I grew in my mind. It was the fear of his father hitting me for having hit his son. I knew him as his shop was on the main road joining my house to my father’s shop. I used to cross it every day to visit my father’s shop. But now I feared he would catch me anytime in case he ever spotted me passing by his shop.
So, I avoided walking down to my father’s shop via the main road linking it to our house. But luckily for me, there was a side road that bypassed his father’s shop. And I could safely go to my father’s shop without getting spotted by my friend’s father.
Months passed by and I didn’t step on the main road passing by his father’s shop.
My Fear Turned into An Imaginary Scare Now!
One day it happened so that my mother was accompanying me as I moved toward my father’s shop. As I habitually took the side road, my mother raised an objection because I wasn’t going via the main road. I tried to avoid her question but smelling something foul, she insisted on me for an answer.
Ultimately, I was forced to hesitantly express my fear to her. She started laughing and immediately took me to the shop of my friend’s father. My heart was pounding as we entered the shop. She took me straight to his father and explained to him how I had been avoiding facing him for months.
As his father heard the story from my mother, he started laughing aloud. I was shockingly surprised as I heard him saying, “What an innocent child! And a stupid one for that matter! Things like these keep happening between friends. I am not a demon who would hit an innocent child for having hit my son in a childlike impulse. Come to me, my child!” Then he took me in his arms and kissed me on my face.
Freedom From Fear And Scare
I felt I was freed from the burden of a yoke on my shoulders I had been carrying for months.
I feared facing him although he had never scared me with anything that I had imagined in my mind. This fear had grown from within me out of my guilt for what I had done to his son. It didn’t have to do anything with a scare that was ever imposed on me from outside. It was entirely different from the scare of God punishing me that I had faced then and there. This was when my parents had tried to impose it on my psyche when I was 3 years old.
It taught me we needed facing our fears in real life situations exactly like facing imposed scares within our mindset. It’s simply so because fears are generated from instincts within whereas scares are imposed from outside making home inside psyche.
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